gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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