She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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