Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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