So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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