Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
