just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just pee around me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
