I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize