spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
