And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
