Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
