she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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