420 ftw
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
