my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
