Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
