I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
