This house was built for laser tag.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
