3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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