If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
