I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
