a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
