dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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