idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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