Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
