I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have aggressive nipples.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
