I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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