I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
