genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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