the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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