He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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