wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
