Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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