Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
