I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
