Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
