things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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