somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
