well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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