New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
