GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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