I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
