Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
