worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
