you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
