Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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