I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
