i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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