I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my poor anus
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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