your parents love me but you hate me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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