I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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