it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
