That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Soap is not a condiment
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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