Only a mothe r could love this liver
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
