Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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