This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
