So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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