This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize