and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
