the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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