apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
