so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
