3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
