there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
