Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
