yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
