i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize