This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
