I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
