Having a random hookup so left but love u
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
