What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
