I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
