From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
