Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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