Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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