can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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